The truth is…I never thought this day would come. Nearly two years ago, my mom had a massive stroke, leaving her right-side paralyzed with a loss of speech. The stroke was caused by severe artery diseases in which one of her corotoid arteries is 100% blocked, and the other about 70% blocked. She was previously not aware of the disease and needless to say, her stroke was shocking to everyone. The doctors were not too optimistic about how much recovery she would make because the brain damage had been so severe. While her recovery is mostly on target with what was predicted (she regained some of her mobility back and got about 30-40% of her speech back)- one thing is for sure- no one ever thought it would be possible for my mother to drive again.
But my mother is, if anything, the single most determined woman I have ever met. Seriously, once she sets her mind to something, good or bad, that is it. If her illness were just a matter of mind of matter; she would be hiking up a mountain screaming at the top of her lungs by now. One thing that she did hold on too though, even from the beginning, is that she was going to drive again. Of course, nobody entertained the idea, lest of all me, considering I couldn’t even leave her alone in the house for the first 6 months or so. But she continued with her therapy, gained more independence, and slowly but surely got closer to her quest of driving. She signed up for free lessons with a fully outfitted car, a great service provided by the Connecticut DMV. A lady came to her house 2-3 times a week for as long as it took for my mom to relearn how to drive enough to be professionally evaluated. While my mom was absolutely over the moon about these “driving lessons”, I was in full panic mode. Of course I wanted her to have her independence but I was just completely freaked out about her safety. I just didn’t see how it was possible, especially given some of her mental confusion caused by the stroke. But I really had to keep most of my reservations to myself. First of all- she would just do this all behind my back anyway and Second- this was the first thing that made her happy since the stroke. Third- as a caregiver- you MUST pick your battles which I learned a while ago the hard way.
I went one day to watch her at one of her lessons; I met her instructor and checked out the car. I was surprised as I saw her drive off, that I had tears on my eyes, and I felt pride, not fear. I never imagined what it would feel like to see my mom drive again!
Well the day finally came, after two months of driving lessons, she passed the test! So there it is- an approval from the DMV. So I contacted a local company, and had her car completely outfitted to accommodate her. The outfitting process is actually really cool and I am glad that there are companies out there that do that. Just about anything can be done to make a car or van drivable my anyone of any ability. So there we were: the moment of truth. My mom following me in her new car 20 miles back to her house. Aside from the fact that I could barely breath and she was seriously driving 20 miles per hour, everything went well. So now? Well I got her a Jitterbug cellphone, I call her everyday, I try my hardest not panic or be too overbearing 
And she gallivants around doing god knows what, is happy for the first time since her illness, and says I am driving her crazy
Here are two pics of the outfitted car so she can drive using only her left leg and left arm.
Bum Bum Jitterbug! Jitterbug! Jitterbuuuuuuuuuuug!
I know you all love the commercial (here’s the link in case you haven’t seen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNdw4CfbwQg), and golly does that phone do the trick! I’m a longtime reader, third time commenter, and I have got to say that the Jitterbug brand cell phone is just the tops! Believe it or not, after Swifty (my companion canine) passed away following a protracted illness, I acquired a capuchin companion monkey from a now defunct carnival near my house. Sprinkles is a real gas, and I’ve taught him to use the Jitterbug to order me pizza from a local trattoria! It was difficult at first- believe me there were a few accidental calls to the fire department that resulted in a few angry visits from the fire marshall- but eventually I read the manual and figured out how to overwrite the presets. I programmed the CORRECT number into all three of the big ’shortcut’ buttons, and when he calls, they know that it’s Big Reg, and that I’m looking for a Godfather Special with no onions!
I’m happy to hear that your caretaker is doing better, and your modified car gives me some ideas about other things I might modify to make the house more accessible to Sprinkles. No, in case you’re thinking it, I’m not going to let the little bugger drive- he can barely operate the Jitterbug, and that thing is easier to use than an unpeeled banana! I’m thinking more along the lines of a modified blender- maybe with just one big button for him to push (for when he makes my breakfast shakes)- a modified television- with an LCD screen that isn’t so susceptible to falling off the wall when he climbs on it- and maybe even a lever system for the refrigerator, so Sprinkles can get his own damn beers!
I don’t know if you’ve considered it, but a companion primate is a wonderful addition to any home, especially if your mother is just getting back on her feet. I know Sprinkles has really helped lift my spirits with his funny antics, and because he has the mental powers of a primate, he’s better to have conversations with than Swifty was- god rest his soul. Keep up the good work, Sprinkles and I are watching.
What great news for your mom. hang in there, though!
I spent a lot of time watching my mother take care of my father after his strokes. I think it was one of the things that shaped our family and my character.
Hearing about your situation brings me back to that time.
I later was given the privilege of helping my mother after she was hit by lung cancer. I was able to give my mother back some of the care she had given me.
It was really hard work and we lost our home trying to keep her out of a nursing home as long as possible. But it fed my soul in a way that few other experiences ever have.
My son saw me care for his grandmother when we spent time together on the weekends. (His mother and I were divorced.)
He’s all grown up now and has made me a grandfather. I think that I can see some of the ways that his character was shaped by helping me care for his grandmother. He has is a level of compassion and empathy for others that not everyone has.
Bless you and your mom. Glad to see her on the road again!
My husband had a massive stroke 26 years ago today (August 23, 1983) when he was 51 and I was 49. It was a stroke that left him in a coma and then hospitalized for 4 months. He still could not get out of a chair by himself after all that time which lets you imagine how disabled he was. His was also rt. side paralysis and speech deficits. After a year he started to have a problem with seizures, so he had to wait a little longer to drive. He drove well and often for more than 23 years and then decided that he would stop and use transport for handicapped and my role would expand, although I don’t enjoy driving and always say that I drive 6 miles in any direction from my house. I am happy that your mother took control and was able to achieve the independence and freedom that driving gives her. I am 75 now and we don’t really get much family support, but we have each other, a comfortable home, and I still work 4 days a week so that we can keep up home maintenance without sacrifice. My husband was never able to work again because of the aphasia, so I stepped up to the plate and I am still swinging the bat. I have never been on a caregiver web site before, but because of today’s anniversary, I felt drawn to the computer for this little conversation. For more than a third of my life I have been a caregiver without many breaks for respite. Work is my respite, I guess. Good luk to all who find themselves in the position of being a young caregiver – it’s not easy, but you do what you have to do.
Oh, I’m so encouraged by this story. My sister suffered from a stroke, too. She was only 21 when that happened and I’m going to share this story to her. Thank you!