I had more things on my mind than Clara, my firstborn son Mike, was getting married. Mike was Clara’s first grandchild, and we lived under the same roof. My feelings were conflicted, on one hand I wanted her there at my son’s wedding, on the other hand, I wanted to enjoy the day and not have to worry about her being there and needing help. Clara was starting to be resistant to the idea of attending the wedding. I spoke with one of her daughter’s who said, “Of course my mother is coming.” I told her that I would be busy that day and she would have to take care of her mother at the wedding and reception. She agreed to that. By now Clara had made up her mind she was not going. Her argument was that the wedding was on a Friday, a dialysis day, and it was a two hour drive away. I told her that her dialysis could be switched to Saturday. Clara said she finds weddings boring and to sit that long in a car, then at the wedding and reception, then the return ride home was too much for her. Part of me had hurt feelings that she wasn’t willing to put much effort forth to attend her grandson’s wedding, feeling confident she would put that effort forth for one of her granddaughters. The other part of me was happy because I could enjoy my son’s wedding without the distraction of my mother-in-law. Clara’s other daughter said she would stay back to take care of her mother. I hated that I felt happier about that decision than sad, but it really did work out for the best.
While caregiving for my wife during her days with cancer, sometimes I too found it hard to leave, but I found those moments I had to myself helped me be a better caregiver.