Soon thereafter, we got a call from Clara’s assigned nurse from the Department of Aging. She was required to come out periodically to check on Clara’s status, re-evaluate her need for care, etc. From an earlier visit she knew that my son was getting married and asked about that. I told her a bit about it, and then told her that it seems like every time we are away, the day after we return home Clara has an accident. I told her while it is annoying to deal with, it also makes me feel guilty that me going away has such a detrimental affect on her health. The nurse told me it was very likely Clara was doing it intentionally, as punishment. I could not believe that could be possible, that someone would actually soil themselves to make a point? The consistency of it happening, each time after we were away, made me start believing it was the case. That was information I wished I never knew. At least before when I would feel angry or frustrated, I would try to tell myself this also had to be difficult on Clara, not even having control over her own bodily functions. Now, even the possibility this was ‘payback’ for me getting a break away was hard information for me to swallow.
Could her ‘accidents’ be on purpose?!?
Monday, December 31, 2012 by acaregivercares
This reminds me of a woman I worked with at the nursing home when I was a music therapist. I had known Jean and her husband Jim for years. Jim drove for the local paratransit service which I used frequently to get to and from work and to other locations since I don’t drive. Jean had been in and out of the facility. The last time she was there, she was prone to such accidents. The staff thought she was doing it on purpose, but knowing Jean, I found this hard to believe. After reading your post though, I’m wondering if she did wet herself on purpose because she was mad at Jim for not caring for her at home. Of course Jim didn’t have to clean up the mess so what purpose would that have served?
It’s very confusing for sure. Hard to imagine, hard to believe, hard to comprehend. A definite pattern though.