Life goes on and now I had to figure out how to get Mike to all of his college classes since he could not drive. The dialysis center was great about adjusting Clara’s time to work around Mike’s classes. I was the home health aide for bathing Mike in his swim trunks. I would start with taping plastic bags over his casts, and fortunately I have a large shower stall in my bathroom. Since Mike is a half of foot taller than me, I would stand on a step stool in the shower, while he held his arms high above his head, I would wash his hair. He would yell that the water was running in his eyes and as I would wipe the water away, he would complain that I was wiping his eyes the wrong way. I was ready to place both him and his grandmother in a nursing home! Mike healed ahead of schedule, and we were both glad when the casts came off two weeks early. At first, going back to just having Clara to care for seemed easier. Soon, summer was here and we were off to the beach for our annual week long trip with my side of the family. Arrangements for Clara were made and I must admit, getting up each day without thinking about her care was wonderful. I noticed by the end of our trip, a feeling of dread came over me at the idea of returning home. The first morning back, Clara had an “accident.” While cleaning up poop was never my favorite activity, it was especially annoying this day. Later that day my sister Kathy called to see how everything was back at home, and I was complaining about Clara’s accident. Kathy said she had the perfect solution. The next time I had to clean Clara up, just have her sit on the toilet, and take the toilet brush down her butt crack and back up again. She said Clara would never have another “accident.” Of course she was kidding, but the mental image was hysterical to me. There were times after that when I would be cleaning Clara up, I would get that mental image of using the toilet bowl brush, and I would have to fight back from laughing. Another time, Clara had made quite a mess, and I was on my hands and knees cleaning poop out from in between her toes. Unknown to me, Clara in her desire to help, picked up the wash cloth off the shower shelf and slapped it in between her legs to clean that area. To my horror, dirty water splashed on my face and in my mouth. As I looked up she was pulling the washcloth back out and I pleaded, “No, no, please, give me the washcloth!!!” My eyes felt as big as saucers and I could not believe what had just happened. I was trying to spit out whatever was in my mouth and wipe off my face without using my dirty hands! Once it was all done, and I thought of how it must have looked, I found it all funny. Later I was relating to my mother what happened, but she did not find the humor in it. Her protective mother instincts came out and expressed anger towards Clara. I told her that I try to help preserve Clara’s dignity when she has her “accidents” no matter how I am feeling on the inside. My mother said, “I think in preserving Clara’s dignity, you lost your own.” I shrugged it off, but the next time I was cleaning out in between Clara’s toes (with the washcloth far from her reach), I thought to myself, ‘My mother is right, I have no dignity.’ Then I thought of Kathy’s suggestion with the toilet bowl brush, and some how, those two things made the job of cleaning up Clara’s mess funny to me. Some time later I told my mother how her words actually provided humor to me when I needed it, and she did not even remember saying it. On one hand I felt that I wanted to protect Clara’s dignity, but on the other hand my way of coping was to relate my experiences to family members or friends in a comical way.
I was Clara’s full time caregiver for 8 years. I mentioned earlier in this blog that I am posting exerpts from my book, Life with Clara – One Caregiver’s Journey. My goal has always been that my experience and honesty could help others in this life changing role. My entire account is available at www.createspace.com/3469034
Haha that’s a great story! You always gotta keep a sense of humor. It will take you farther than thinking negatively that’s for sure. Take care!
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You’re doing a great job of preserving yours and Clara’s dignity. Hang in there.
By the way, I just ordered a copy of your book from Create Space and am looking forward to reading it. Last week, I had to put Bill in the nursing home because he was getting almost too heavy for me to lift, and therapists determined that it’s no longer safe for me to care for him at home. Maybe now, I’ll write a similar book about my own experiences.
Abbie Johnson Taylor, Author of
We Shall Overcome
and
How to Build a Better Mousetrap: Recollections and Reflections of a Family Caregiver
http://abbiejohnsontaylor.com/blog
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Dear Abbie,
Thanks for ordering my book, I hope it helps you in some ways with the emotional turmoil. I applaud you that you recognized that you traveled the home care route as long as humanly possible, and now you are getting the help both you and Bill need. I know you will understand that I’m not whining here, but I have some permanent damage I’m dealing with from when I was in multiple car accidents and still dealt with the physical demands of caring for Clara. I wished I knew how to find more balance back then. Of course, you will be visiting Bill regularly, but do not feel guilty for the time you take for yourself!
Michele
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